The Ten Minute Religion
Please read the disclaimer at the bottom of the article. The intended purpose of this article is not to mock religion, but to show how easy it can be to create a believable religion. By believable, any religion is believable if one wants to believe and will defend their religion even to the point of ridiculousness. For those that follow their religion without questioning or without considering it to be false, this article is for you. Notice: This article does not
I will also remind readers that the Ten Minute Religion does not refer to a religion that is accomplished in ten minutes, but it is a religion that can be summarized completely within ten minutes. Many aspects could take hours to fully detail and the full written religion would take about 20-30 minutes to read, with hours of explantion. However, the goal of this article is to prove that man-made religion is actually quite easy.
All praise belongs to the One who was, who is, and who will always be. For alone is He to be praised and worshiped. Bow to Him, prostrate on the ground to Him, and with purified hands lift them up toward Him. It is He who created the Heavens and the Earth. It is He that created Hell. For without Him, nothing could be created, and He created all things, even your very soul [O prophet and mankind]. He is One, He is alone, and He does not change.
The first chapter in the Ten Minute Religion, the prophet states that God is one. God is to be worshiped and praised (by all humans). Those that worship God will bow to Him (in submission), lie on the floor (in humbleness and weakness to God), and raise their hands (after their hands are considered purified) unto God. God has created all things, the Heavens, the Earth, Hell, even souls. Nothing has a beginning until He gives it a beginning. The prophet reaffirms God is one and expounds that there is no other, for He is alone.
The Practices on Worship, Praise, and Prayer:
[O’ Prophet] God has commanded that all believers know the proper way He commands of worship. To he who He entrusts His commandments, he must be purified. All believers must be purified as like the one entrusted. For the bathing of the hands thrice a day, the washing of the feet twice a day, and wiping of one’s lower areas once a day, are commanded for the sake of purification. I love this, for I am the Pure One. [Prophet] God has entrusted to those that have been created in the image of perfection. Like as the prophets of old, each prophet has been made different from (all other) mankind. Say to the believers “God has set aside perfected creation among the tested creation. God has set aside these prophets to guide you in all things, even from the beginning.” It is We that command the very sky to stay raised. For this, [Believers] worship Me.
Those that worship God must be pure. Daily purification is required for all tested creation. To he that is among the perfected creation, weekly purification is required (for the sake of the believers). By the raising of hands, God accepts your worship and adoration. By the bowing of the knees, God accepts your submission to Him. By your prostration, God accepts your humbleness and display of weakness to Him.
All prayers to God are only accepted by submission to Him. “Say [O’ Prophet] these things I require, but by your submission and humbleness or humility, will I accept your offerings.” Believers that offer up that which God requires, but without purification, are to be cast into eternal hellfire unless they repent. Believers that purify themselves first, will find their path leading to paradise. God knows best. He [the Lord] says, “Listen to my prophets. For they will guide you toward paradise and away from the hellfire.” God commands pure worship as His religion. Worship done with pure intentions are acceptable, but worship done according to(TMR 2:1-21)
imitationof the prophet is far more precious in the sight of God.
The second chapter begins with God telling the prophet that all believers will need to follow the prophet in all actions so that they will be doing what God requires. To not follow the prophet is to not follow the right way of God, for only the prophet is entrusted to the knowledge of the ways of God. All believers must purify themselves as the prophet does, lest they may make a mistake. If one does make a mistake, they must continue to be more and more like the prophet to never make the mistake again, lest they fall into hellfire.
Believers must wash their hands three times a day, wash their feet twice (two times) a day, and wash their private areas at least one time a day. God loves purified believers because He is the Pure One (Pure One is a title-name of God). Prophets are close to the purity of God but still lack complete purity. All the prophets, found in both Old and New Testaments, as well as in the Qur’an, are all automatically created purer than other humans. God set Adam as the first prophet to show mankind the proper way He wants to be worshiped.
All believers must be pure when they come to worship God. Tested creation is different from the perfected creation, as prophets are not tested as the rest of mankind is. Only God can test prophets, but He will never test them to commit sin, only tests of faith. Because of this, perfected creation is required to show their faith by going through the purification ritual once a week, for the sake of believers. Believers themselves are imperfect and tested, so they are required to go through the ritual daily.
God allows for three types of motion when coming to Him. Raising your hands (higher than they normally lie) is a sign you adore Him and is worship unto Him. praying is allowed in this manner if you have purified hands. Bowing of the knees, as shown by the prophet, requires the believer to be on their knees, hands holding their face, face down on the ground. They are allowed to pray if they are purified. This is a sign of submission and humility to God. Believers that want to further themselves to God are allowed to lie face down on the ground as a sign to their humbleness, humility, and weakness (or powerless) as opposed to God.
The true way to be accepted by God, as shown by the prophet, is to bow or prostrate and the raise hands while standing (raising hands while standing is optional). Believers that place their hands on their face while bowing or prostrating are considered (by God) to be raising their hands. Believers that fail with purification will be cast into hellfire unless they repent. (So keep an eye out for mistakes your brothers and sisters may make, so you can help them escape hellfire.) Believers that are purified and follow the prophet in purification are on the path to paradise. God knows best for all things, so we must listen to all of His prophets to be accepted into paradise and escape hellfire as all other prophets do.
The Law for Believers:
The Lord has spoken [O’ Believers] that unto you are twenty required laws for you to uphold. Breaking any law is considered a sin and the punishment is not only decided here but even in the hereafter.
[Believers] you are forbidden to bargain with or even question God and His prophets. To bargain with God is to bargain against Him and to question His prophets is to question God’s authoirty. Do not go to other believers who did not accept the prophet. They will deny him and speak falseness against him. Better to have faith than to believe the words of liars and heretics. All the prophets have been guided in truth, and their followers have corrupted my sayings. They use their books and accuse each other. Say to them, “This is not of God, come back to true worship. Understand that your prophet was given laws to guide you to the perfect ways, but you did not listen. So come back to worship only the One that alone is worthy of worship.” Those that disobey will be sent to hellfire where they will be chained and will be torched with fire for eternity.
Do not accept the three prayers or the five prayers by those other believers. Those that accepted the three or five prayers are in err. For God has said, “I change not.” Fifty prayers daily are required by all. Believers are not to question or bargain for lesser prayers. Bargaining with God is bargaining against God. Purification daily is commanded by God. To recite and memorize all chapters are required by God (in one’s lifetime). God will ask you to recite on the Day of Judgement. Believers that are unable to recite (all chapters) will be cast into hellfire. True knowledge comes from God alone, for God knows best. Those that disobey will be forced to memorize and recite all chapters while hanging upside down and their hair lit on fire, for all eternity.
Forbidden to you are beverages made with barley. These concoctions are detested by God and hellfire awaits those that partake with drinking or reside in the company of drinkers. Forbidden to you is the meat of doves and ravens. God knows best. Forbidden also unto you is the imitation of crimes and sins of creation, the wearing of masks, and the holding of debt. Those that disobey will be bound to the walls of hellfire and fed acid that will destroy their insides. They will repeat this for eternity.
Marriage is acceptable to God always. [Believers] know that women will fill the hellfire more than men. For women require what men have, so marry them, that they escape hellfire. Parents should marry their daughters when of age so that their daughter will be saved from hellfire. A man may only hold one woman as his wife. Husbands, prevent your wives from adultery. Help them escape hell by any means required. Women, do not let your men eye other women. the eyes of the man are good but can be corrupted by other women. Wives, prevent them from seeing other women when they are immodest. Fornicators and adulterers that commit excess are bound to hellfire. Men that commit excess will be hooked and hanged by their private area, for all eternity. Women that commit excess will have their breasts bound, hooked, and hanged for all eternity. Demons will slice at her breasts with sharp knives and poke at her with sharp needles.
Before sexual intercourse, the woman must wash her private areas. After sexual intercourse, the man must wash himself off all female fluids. The man may enter from the belly up. Forbidden to him is her back facing him or her rear facing him. The woman must give her husband what he desires unless it becomes unbearable for her.
God commands modesty. Believers that refuse modesty must be dealt with in the community of believers so that men will not see hellfire. Men and women are to cover their bodies with the sensual entities covered and draped with cloth. Those that disobey will meet hellfire and will be dressed in burning clothes that melt on their skin. If a believer is immodest in public in front of other believers, the community may stone that person. If a believer finds pleasure in the immodesty, let them go after a stern rebuke or one lash.
Homosexuals are to be burned or stoned unless they repent. Those that commit these acts will burn in hellfire with large burning wooden stakes inside them.
To worship other gods but the One is idolatry. This is the biggest of all sins. There is no forgiveness for believers that turn away from worshiping only the One God. Those that disobey will have their idols branded on their bodies with hot irons for all eternity.
Remember [Believers], God loves those that repent. So repent for your misdeeds and he will give you another chance to do right. God says, “Believers that sin will have forgiveness in most deeds, even those that sin more often than others. But believers that commit the bigger sins often will find no forgiveness.”
Required of you [O’ Believers] is a day of fasting for every week of every month for every year. Limit thyself this day and eat nothing, from when the sun rises until the sun lowers. Limit thy fluid intake and abstain from sexual intercourse until the next evening. Husbands, forbid your wives from sexual contact to prevent them from breaking their fast. Help them in their struggle. God knows best.(TMR 3:1-40)
There are twenty laws that God requires the believer to follow:
- Do not bargain with/against or question God. To question God or bargain with Him is to be against Him.
- Do not go to other believers. Instead, tell them that they do not understand and tell them you have brought to them the real truth. These believers were in truth until the prophet came and told them he was the prophet. since then, they have committed excess in their religion and have left the true religion of God.
- Pray fifty times a day.
- Daily purification is required, except the prophet (once a week).
- All believers must learn to memorize and recite all of the Holy chapters within their lifetime. For those that are without much intelligence (dumb, stupid) the chapters are the only thing they need. All knowledge is given to us by God.
- Beverages made with barley (like beer) are forbidden to believers. Even keeping in the same company (household or building) with people that drink these drinks are forbidden.
- Eating the meat of crows and doves are forbidden. God knows best. The raven is an ungrateful creature and the dove is viewed as a peaceful creature. The raven was ungrateful and never came back to the prophet Noah. God hates the raven and despises those that eat its meat.
- Acting out/pretending to do sins or crimes is forbidden.
- Wearing masks that do not display your identity is forbidden. Believers are to be unashamed and not hide behind masks like criminals, even if it is for fun.
- Do not hold debt. Do not be in a person’s debt and do not hold a debt over someone.
- Marriage is good, so marry. Marriage should be around the ages of 16-24, as spoken by the prophet.
- Marriage is only between one man and one woman. Believers may marry outside the faith, but only to those that accept the terms (one man and one woman).
- Husbands are given the ability to do whatever they decide to their wives to prevent adultery. Women are to turn their husbands head to prevent their husbands from looking at immodest women (other than their wives).
- Before sexual intercourse, women are to clean themselves in their privates. Believing men will have already cleaned once (while unbelieving men may not). The women will suffice in the cleaning. The man must rid himself of his wife’s fluids after they are done.
- The man is only allowed to enter her from one way. All other positions are forbidden. Anything is allowed in
the singleposition unless she is in unbearable pain.
- Believers must wear clothing that covers their sensual entities (private areas). The cloth/es should meet so as to cover the entire area of the regions.
- Homosexuality is forbidden. Those that do it and repent not will have demons that force burning stakes into their private regions that were touched by the other partner.
- Worshiping other gods is forbidden. Remember, He is One.
- God loves believers that repent when they sin. He loves repentance. So repent daily in your prayers.
- Believers must fast once a day of every week. On this day (the prophet fasted on Mondays), believers cannot eat any food. Believers are allowed to drink (in limitation) water (as the prophet did). Couples are not allowed to perform intercourse until the next evening. Husbands are allowed to do what it takes to prevent the weak women from doing anything that would cause them to break their fast.
DISCLAIMER: The following article is a display of how easy it is to create a religion. The article incorporates ideas from Judaism, Christianity, and Islam, as well as other religious ideas. This false religion is purely hypothetical and not meant to be seriously followed. The point: just because your god is one does not make him the same one God of Israel. And just because you god claims he is the same god does not make him the true God. Another disclaimer needed: saying “God” or “the Lord said” does not mean that God actually said anything. It serves as an example that anyone can say this and mislead hundreds of millions of people.